In tribute to my new home (Phoenix, AZ), I shall compile a list of similes/sayings regarding high temperature.  These are all things that I’ve either heard or plagiarized from somewhere. I came across lots of sayings involving goats, nether regions, and various references to the architecture of the infernal abyss.

It’s hot as hell.
It’s hot as balls.
It’s hot as the devil’s taint.
Hotter than a two dollar pistol at an all night shoot out.
It’s hotter than a two-peckered billy goat in heat.
It’s been hotter’n a goat’s butt in a pepper patch.
It’s hot as the hinges of hell.
It’s hot as the hubs of hell.
It’s hotter than Dutch love up in here.
It’s hotter than the hubs of hell.
It’s so hot, the chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
It’s so hot you can spit on the ground and watch it sizzle.
It’s hotter than Salma Hayek dancing on a waffle iron.
It’s hotter than a witch’s tit in a brass bra.
It’s so hot that the thermometer moved into the shade.
It’s so hot that I left my ass on the car seat.
It’s so hot that the chickens have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground.
It’s hotter than two gophers fucking in a wool sock.
It’s hotter than a stolen tamale.
It’s hotter than a snake’s ass in a wagon rut.
Hot as a two-dollar whore on the 4th of July.
It’s hot enough to boil a monkey’s bum.
It’s hotter than a freshly screwed fox in a forest fire.
Hot as a two-dollar whore on the 4th of July.
I’m sweating like a whore in church.
It’s hotter than a well-diggers arse.
It’s hot enough to melt a furnace.