Archive for September, 2009

Finally, a post about poetry!

I’ve always been a fan of “found” poetry, and I’ve always been a fan of the internet. I’ve known about this for a while, but I don’t think it’s been getting the attention it deserves. This google hack is simply one of the most amazing things I’ve seen in a while. Quite simply, it takes a phrase (I suggest 3 words) and inputs it into google’s search api to return the next logical word. It then removes the first word and appends the found word to the string.

Initial input: the best minds

word found: of

new input string: best minds of

etc…

Here are some of the results I’ve come up with:

its hotter than a high end processor would sound better then beolab

the one thing you need to know related to your passion and you will be frightened play to the camera by a swimming pool outside an exquisite house is seen from a distance email any one of us hello platforms

a more perfect union means acknowledging that trying to drive into man the building up of scientific knowledge over the last ten years music ringtone play music ringtones more topics and suddenly starts blasting the fine free ringtones paula deanda middot

want to find the legendary gold of the lost adams diggings as it was then again it will be in a wheelchair for today on tour now download within the site are valid it also says that austria will assist france if prussia insists on pushing her trucks into bed at night naomi feels isolated because she was an undercover agent he takes the reader though the difference was not statistically significant nativity differentials in both current and ex arsenal players voted as best in public listening test even better than netscape for the end user scenario

Sometimes the thing gets stuck, and you have to manually take the last 3 words as a new string. It used to be more reliable, but lately it’s been freezing earlier than it used to.

Say “la,” V!

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List of “Hot” Sayings

In tribute to my new home (Phoenix, AZ), I shall compile a list of similes/sayings regarding high temperature.  These are all things that I’ve either heard or plagiarized from somewhere. I came across lots of sayings involving goats, nether regions, and various references to the architecture of the infernal abyss.

It’s hot as hell.
It’s hot as balls.
It’s hot as the devil’s taint.
Hotter than a two dollar pistol at an all night shoot out.
It’s hotter than a two-peckered billy goat in heat.
It’s been hotter’n a goat’s butt in a pepper patch.
It’s hot as the hinges of hell.
It’s hot as the hubs of hell.
It’s hotter than Dutch love up in here.
It’s hotter than the hubs of hell.
It’s so hot, the chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
It’s so hot you can spit on the ground and watch it sizzle.
It’s hotter than Salma Hayek dancing on a waffle iron.
It’s hotter than a witch’s tit in a brass bra.
It’s so hot that the thermometer moved into the shade.
It’s so hot that I left my ass on the car seat.
It’s so hot that the chickens have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground.
It’s hotter than two gophers fucking in a wool sock.
It’s hotter than a stolen tamale.
It’s hotter than a snake’s ass in a wagon rut.
Hot as a two-dollar whore on the 4th of July.
It’s hot enough to boil a monkey’s bum.
It’s hotter than a freshly screwed fox in a forest fire.
Hot as a two-dollar whore on the 4th of July.
I’m sweating like a whore in church.
It’s hotter than a well-diggers arse.
It’s hot enough to melt a furnace.

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Eyeless in Gaza – A Brief Note

This is hardly topical or timely. Nevertheless:

A while back (maybe 4 years?) I read Huxley’s Eyeless in Gaza, and I must confess to having been bored out of my mind. My boredom did not arise out of a lack of appreciation for Huxley or from a lack of familiarity with his ideas/philosophy, as I voraciously devoured Chrome Yellow, Ape and Essence, Time Must Have a StopBrave New World, and Island. I simply found the story and the writing style lackluster. That being said, I’d like to look at a couple elements of the book that I consider worthy of discussion.

Part of the problem I had with the book might have been that the main character’s name is Anthony Beavis. The 6th-grader in me couldn’t stop wondering when Butthead would show up. The remainder of the problem is that, although the book contains moments of truly deep philosophical contemplation, it’s bogged down with passages like this:

The carriage rattled away down the drive; and for a hundred yards or more Anthony ran beside it, shouting “Good-bye” and waving his handkerchief with a vehemence that Mr. Beavis took as the sign of a correspondingly immense regret to see him go. In fact, however, it was just a manifestation of overflowing energy and high spirits. Circumstances had filled him, body and mind, with the deep joy of being happily alive. This joy required physical expression, and his father’s departure gave him an excuse for running and waving his arms. Mr. Beavis was extremely touched. But if only, he went on sadly to think, if only there were some way of canalizing this love, and his own for the boy, so that it might irrigate the aridities of their daily intercourse!

Apparent out-of-context pederasty aside, the third-person omniscient perspective becomes a weapon against the reader in Huxley’s hands. What was intended to be interesting (the incongruence between two characters’ perceptions of the same situation) turns into a hammer of boredom–nay, the very wet noodle of my own apathy towards the story! Huxley’s characterizations always tend towards the thoughtful rather than the active, but in this case it’s just too much. At least in Brave New World we had the “savage” and the objectionable Beta-Plus love interest, Lenina. In Eyeless, we get an upper-middle class boy and his quest for meaning through a few tacked-on events (a suicide, a trip to South America, some sex). You get the feeling that it’s all an excuse for Huxley to rant about things he didn’t get a chance to cover in his essays.

But some of those essay-like segments can be interesting. Take this passage between Anthony Beavis (:muffle:) and Mark Staithes, someone who used to bully him. Anthony begins:

“… Drama begins where there’s freedom of choice. And freedom of choice begins when social or psychological conditions are exceptional. That’s why the inhabitants of imaginative literature have always been recruited fromt he pages of Who’s Who.”

“But do you really think that people with money or power are free?”

“Freer than the poor, at any rate. Less completely conditioned by matter and other people’s wills.”

Mark shook his head. “You don’t know my father,” he said. “Or my disgusting brothers.”

He described the Staithes who was now a Knight Commander of St. Michael and St. George and a Permanent Under-Secretary. Pleased as Punch with it all, and serenely conscious of his own extraordinary merits, adoring himself for being such a great man.

“As though there were any real difficulty in getting where he ’s got! Anything in the least creditable about that kind of piddling little conquest!” Mark made a flayed grimace of contemptuous disgust. “He thinks he’s a marvel.”

[Mark goes on to describe his brothers--bullying people in India, and another working in the stock exchange who prided himself as an amorist.]

“And you call them free,” Mark concluded. “But how can a social climber be free? He’s tied to his ladder.”

“But social ladders,” Anthony objected, “become broader as they rise. At the bottom, you can only just get your foot onto them. At the top the rungs are twenty yards across.”

“Well, perhaps it’s a wider perch than the bank clerk’s,” Mark admitted. “But not wide enough for me. And not high enough; above all, not clean enough.”

These parts of the book are interesting simply because they make us think about our own aspirations, and what might motivate them. Would we, as Mark’s family has, complacently allow ourselves to be carried forward on a wave of wealth, contacts, and nepotism because it is pleasurable? (Later, Mark calls this type of freedom the ‘license to be a pig.’) Is it objectionable to use the resources that are available to you? More importantly, and the question driving this debate, is the problem of free will. How can we identify and extricate ourselves from social determinism long enough to consider ourselves truly free? Is true freedom even possible while living within a social system and availing ourselves of its resources? The United States of America would like us to think so, but freedom cannot be granted by society–a society can merely remove restrictions, and a lack of restriction is not sufficient to consider oneself free.

Food for thought. As with any discussion of philosophy, we must end it with:

“Oh well.”

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Angry Vs. The Bear

angry_vs

Image courtesy of me stealing it from last.fm. I know this isn’t a music blog or anything, but it’s hard for me to contain my excitement about Angry vs. The Bear.

http://www.myspace.com/angryvsthebear (hint: listen to “I Sing, We Sing”)

I have been compulsively listening to every single band that made a showing at SXSW 2009, and BY FAR they have been the best I’ve heard. I mean, don’t get me wrong, there have been some perfectly listenable radiohead clones, but these guys have some real spunk. I will buy their album as soon as it comes out.

Also, if you haven’t heard “Proper Rock” by The Chap, you haven’t lived.  Hey! Is that a snowclone?

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A Humble Beginning!

To “Christen” this blog, so to speak, let’s start out simply. (*Edit–okay it didn’t end up being so simple after all.)

There are many things in this world worthy of pure unadulterated love, such as manatees/dugongs (sirenia), cheesecake, old horror movies with Vincent Price, limericks, and fake british accents. To that ludicrously impartial list I would like to add snowclones.

Snowclones bear little resemblance to “snowcones” because, for the most part, they are not corporeal objects. It would be possible to (of course) construct a representation of one with stencils or a printer, but snowclones are semantic constructions.5280494

A classic example of a snowclone is “X is the new Y.”  Note that it can be completed nearly an infinite number of ways (”Pink is the new black,” “Democrats are the new Republicans,” “Twilight is the new Harry Potter,” etc… ad infinitum) and according to a google search for the non-variable elements, significant variation can be found among the results.1

More delicious snowclones include:

Got X?
Im in ur X Ying ur Z
Who are you and what have you done with X?
A kinder, gentler X
Not your Y’s X (where Y is usually something like “Daddy” or “Granny,” but not necessarily)
If by X you mean Y

If you are interested in reading more about snowclones, start here. For now, I’d like to switch gears. I would actually like to contest the status of that last one on the list (If by X you mean Y) which is up on the queue at The Snowclones Database.

I hate it when my students do this but, according to Wikipedia (which, in turn, retrieved the information from somewhere else), “[a snowclone] emphasizes the use of a familiar (and often particular) formula and previous cultural knowledge of the reader to express information about an idea.”  The statement If by X you mean Y does not strike me as referencing any prior cultural or linguistic experience. At least not obviously. Sure, you probably would have to have heard someone say it before, but there is no second signified that is inherent to the phrasing. To rephrase: when you utter the statement, you are not intentionally making some kind of journalistic joke in the same way that you might if you were to say “Got Semiotics?In the latter case, your phrase would likely be intended as signifying both that knowledge of semiotics is essential, and that you were familiar with the cultural artifact (snowclone) “Got X?

Even if the cultural artifact’s context is unknown to the speaker of the snowclone, people who use snowclones will always be aware that they are using a shared linguistic construction. I Like X cannot be a snowclone for the reason that no shared construction is usually acknowledged by its use and, in my opinion, neither is it the case with If by X you mean Y.

I could be completely off-base here, but the phrase If by X you mean Y strikes me as just about the only way to snarkily redefine someone else’s term. I am, of course, open to criticism.

  1. Please note that this Google search is not necessarily an indicator of snowclone status because such a search will also return results like “He is the new mayor” and “the next subject we will discuss is the New Deal,” but it’s usually helpful nonetheless.
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